So often we say yes to things that we don’t want to do, and then regret it later. We feel guilty for not helping out, or maybe even a little resentful that someone asked us in the first place. Saying no is one of the most important skills you can learn when you want to live your life by your own rules, but it’s also one of the hardest! In this blog post I’ll share with you 3 steps on how to say no without guilt or resentment so you can stop being a people pleaser and start living an authentic life.

1. Say “no” with a smile 

When you feel guilt creeping and and the urge to say yes when you want to say no, start with a smile then say “no”. When you smile you send a signal to your brain that you are happy and confident. Say “no” in your head first before verbalizing the word so that when someone asks for something from us we can feel more empowered by our decision instead of feeling like they’re taking advantage or not respecting who you are as an individual! It’s important to remember that saying no is not a reflection of how much we care about the person, it just means this particular time isn’t right for us!  

2. Be honest about your feelings and needs 

The first step to being clear about your feelings and needs is to slow down and tune in to what you’re feeling. The second step is to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs, which may take courage and practice! The third important part of being clear on our feelings and needs involves communicating them in a way that’s respectful but firm so the other person can hear us without getting defensive – this takes some skillful conversation skills too. The framework I teach my clients is first state your need for example, I need respect the next piece is to give a clear, direct concise request for example, what I am asking is for you to listen to my feelings until I’m done. All together it sounds like: I need respect, what I am asking is for you to listen to my feelings until I am done, are you willing to do that? If they say yes, share away, if they say no simply ask what are you willing to do that is close to what I am asking and sort it out.

3. Give yourself permission to be imperfect

Ahhh permission! Permission to be imperfect is one of my favorite ways to honor my self worth and enter the practice of saying no while also giving myself some grace when I say yes instead. It’s an imperfect practice, one that is ongoing as we are all always learning new things every day! Before you know it, “no” will come more naturally. Permission is about self-worth, self-care and self love. It’s about honoring who you are, what your needs may be in that moment or situation at hand so it can feel good to say “no” when the time comes! It is also a way of practicing kindness towards others by not expecting them to always meet our needs or expectations because we know they have their own life too.

We all know that we should be more assertive, but it’s hard to get started.

It can be scary to tell someone no or stand up for yourself when you need something. 

Check out the options below!

Here are 4 ways I can help you increase your sense of self-worth so you can say “no” use your voice, stand up for yourself and feel more confident:

1. Listen to The Bold Survivor Podcast

Join me each week as I interview survivors, experts and drops juicy tidbits of my own. Each episode contains powerful information to help you heal your wounding, connect better, and own that beautiful innate value that lives inside Every. Single. One. of. Us! —  Click Here

2. Grab a free copy of my book

It’s my signature system that takes you down into your core story and back up like a Phoenix to fly free. — Click Here

3. Join The Bold Survivor Collective and connect with survivors who are healing too It’s my Facebook community where bold survivors learn to heal, rise up, and be the bold beautiful souls they were called to be. —  Click Here

4. Join my Self-Worth Coaching Program

I’m bringing together women who are eager to end the disconnection, frustration and overwhelm….If you’d like to work with me on your self-worth revolution plans… Click Here

XOXO,

Contessa Akin